


and it will take this life of regret, for my heart to learn to forget

by oceanicspirit



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Tony Stark Lives, another endgame fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 07:24:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18751741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanicspirit/pseuds/oceanicspirit
Summary: much like the future, it was uncertain if returning the Soul Stone would give her back





	and it will take this life of regret, for my heart to learn to forget

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another Endgame fix it, except with this one I have Tony Stark alive!!!  
> Also we have a special guest, Sarah Rogers! I remember reading about how we should have gotten a scene with Steve and his mother. I mean this person isn't wrong, we got a scene with Tony and Howard, and a scene with Thor and Frigga, so why nothing with Steve and his momma huh? I mean we only know her in the movies because Bucky mentions Sarah's name once in Civil War. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used
> 
> I do have another fic planned with A4!StevexTWS!NatxTWS!Steve
> 
> Title taken from "She Is The Sunlight" by Trading Yesterday

_ New Jersey 1970 _

Steve knew it was going to be a lot harder returning the Tesseract especially since everyone was alerted about his and Tony’s presence beforehand. They had managed to get away but now everyone was on alert. Steve had to calm himself down so no one would notice.

_ Walk don’t run _

He could hear Natasha’s voice in the back of his head. 

The soldier had to breathe at the memory. It’s been almost a few days since she had sacrificed for the Soul Stone. For Steve, it felt like only yesterday when they last spoke.

_ See you in a minute _

Those were the last words she said to him, and those minutes felt like an eternity for him. 

“Get yourself together Rogers,” he scolded himself before infiltrating Camp Lehigh. 

Successfully Steve did put the Tesseract back but for some reason he ended up going back to Hank’s lab and taking 2 more vials in addition to the two he still had. After that his feet took him to Peggy’s office.

“Howard for the last time, I…” Looking up the aged Agent Carter gasped at the sight in front of her. “Steve?”

“Hey Peg, thought I’d check in on that dance I owe you.”

She got up and cupped his face, “I don’t understand, how are you…”

“It’s a long story Peggy.”

Peggy nodded and smiled, “Well you can talk about it during our dance.”

They moved some of the chairs and the desk and Peggy turned the radio on. Steve chuckled, the song that was on was the same song he listened to in his former apartment in DC. Together they swayed gently, holding each other close. Steve told her how he was the from the future and the reason why he came to this year. Peggy also heard the sombre tone in his voice when he talked about the Soul Stone.

“You miss her,” Peggy said.

“I do, it was only supposed to be a minute, but she never came back.”

The British agent looked at Steve and stroked his cheek. “You loved her, didn’t you?”

“She was my partner, when everything fell apart, she was the one that stood by me.”

“I’m glad you had her,” Peggy smiled, “I would’ve loved to meet her.”

Steve chuckled, “You two would definitely get along swimmingly,” he sadly smiled, “I just wished we had more time.”

Peggy squeezed his hand, “Reminds me of our conversation before you took Red Skull’s plane down.”

Steve knew he could go back to the 40s, live a life with Peggy despite his other self would be under the ice. He wanted to get the life that was robbed from.

“I’m thinking about going back, a couple of months after I sacrificed myself. Think about it Peggy, we could be together,” he felt himself beginning to cry. “We could have a family.”

“Steve,” he looked into her eyes, “as wonderful as it sounds, you’re in so much pain darling. You miss Natasha. A part of me does think about how happy I would be marrying you, but after what you told me, it would be selfish of me to want you.” Peggy held his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “There’s a reason why you’re holding onto the Soul Stone last. You know in your heart you can truly never let her go. I have lived my life Steve, I want you to do the same. Just as I have healed over losing you, now you must do the same.”

He nodded and took a step back. “Goodbye Peggy. I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too Steve, but at least we got our dance.”

“Yes, yes we did,” he smiled and headed off to Vormir 2014.

*****

It was quiet the moment Steve arrived to Vormir. The only sounds could be heard was the howling of the winds every now and then. Steve had to admit the planet was hauntingly beautiful.

“Steven Rogers, son of Sarah.”

Steve’s jaw clenched at the familiar voice. “Red Skull,” his eyes burned in anger, “why are you here?”

“I was casted out here the moment I held the Tesseract. My punishment is to guide those who seek the stone. But as you can see Captain, you already have the stone.”

“I don’t want it,” the Soul Stone was gripped tightly in his left hand, “I’m returning it.”

Red Skull floated in front of Steve until they were face to face. “Even if this stone houses the soul of the person you care for?” He then floated behind Steve. “If you return the Soul Stone, you may never see her again.”

Steve froze, even Clint had mentioned that Natasha couldn’t return, and Bruce had already confirmed it when he had all six stones. Maybe that’s why Steve prolonged the departure of the Soul Stone, because he could feel Natasha’s soul in it. Perhaps it was her soul giving him a warm feeling the moment he held it after discarding the briefcase. 

_ I didn’t want you to be alone _

Steve knew if he kept the Soul Stone, Natasha could forever be with him. 

_ We have what we have when we have it _

He closed his eyes, going back to all the memories between him and Natasha. The familiarity of her presence every time she stood next to him, the sound of her voice, the feel of her body against his when she comforted him after Peggy’s funeral, and the stolen glances between him and Natasha. 

“Guide me to where I can return the stone,” a strong resolve set in his voice.

Red Skull floated in front of Steve, “Very well Captain Rogers, follow me.”

Once they reached the top, Red Skull pointed towards the edge of the cliff. Steve took his time heading over there. 

“Don’t bother looking Captain, her physical body no longer resides here.”

“You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?”

“To see you suffer, yes I do. You’ve caused me a great deal of suffering Captain. It’s only right I do the same while you are here.”

He took one final glance at the leader of HYDRA. “So do I just drop the stone?”

“Yes, but to answer your question inside of your head. I do not know if she will return to you Captain. The exchange is everlasting. A soul for a soul.”

“But by returning the stone, that means she should come back.” His fists tightened. “By returning the Soul Stone, Natasha should come back.”

“The soul itself yes, maybe it will move on to the afterlife. But her physical presence is no longer here Captain.”

Steve felt his world crumbling and fell onto his knees. He thought he could get her back if he returned the Soul Stone. Unclenching his left hand he looked at the orange stone. His right hand gently caressing it and he closed his eyes. 

“I really wish I didn’t wait on you Natasha. I wanted to start a life with you after defeating Thanos.” Steve stood up holding the stone gently in both hands. “Goodbye my darling.” He let the stone slip through his fingers and was met with a bright flash.

*****

Steve awoke to a soft orange scenery. His eyes widened at the sight in front of him. As he got up, his eyes never left at what they were looking at. 

“Amazing isn’t,” he looked over and he spotted a woman walking towards him, “to see all of this.”

“Natasha,” he said softly.

She smiled at him, but she looked different. She wasn’t wearing her Black Widow suit nor did she sport red hair with blonde tips, and nor was here hair in a braid. Instead here she stood, black pants, a white shirt, black leather jacket and her hair red but straightened. 

“Hey soldier,” she smiled as she stood next to him. “Impressive, isn’t it?”

“It is,” he says as he brings his attention back to the images in front of him. 

The images are different, one is where she is dead, another is where Steve dies. Another shows up where they’re both dead, but the ones that surprises him the most are the ones where they end up together. He watches Natasha holding a baby boy that looks like him and has her eyes. Another shows up that has Steve holding a baby girl with Natasha’s hair but his eyes. Images of the soldier and the spy dancing, kissing, getting married and starting a life. 

“This is what I saw when I was in the Soul Stone.” Natasha holds Steve’s hand, “And now I’m showing them to you.”

“Do you know what will happen to you?”

She shakes her head, “I was told that no one has ever returned the Soul Stone before. I may go back, but I may go onto the afterlife. It is uncertain Steve.”

Steve squeezes her hand gently, “I’m glad you showed me this. I’m glad you showed me that there are realities we do end up together.”

“You know what was one of the things I remembered when I jumped?” He shook his head. “The stolen glances between us. I had thought to myself, that if I acted on my feelings beforehand, that maybe I wouldn’t have to die with the regret of not loving you.”

Steve laughs softly, “It’s what I was thinking before as well. To continue on living the life without telling you I love you.”

She raises a brow, “You love me? Well Rogers you sure know how to make a girl feel real special.”

He lets out another laugh, but this one full of happiness. “You know what Romanoff?”

Natasha grins and cups his face, “You need to get a life Steve. Even if I don’t come back to you, promise me you’ll move on. Promise me you’ll heal, and even if I don’t come back…..promise me you’ll accept my death.”

“I promise Natasha,” he places his forehead gently against her own, “I promise.”

“Good,” she smiles up at him, “I know you’re telling the truth because you’re a terrible liar.” She holds his hands. “Goodbye Steve.”

He gives her a loving smile, takes her hands and kisses her knuckles. Then he cups her face and gives Natasha a small yet passionate kiss. “Goodbye Natasha.”

“Well at least you got a proper goodbye.”

Steve gives her a boyish smile and the image of her fades away. His eyes notices the images changes and finds himself looking at the memory of his youth. The last thing he sees is the image of himself as a baby looking up at his mother. 

*****

Steve can feel the cool touch of water surrounding him. Sitting up he looks around and finds no traces of Natasha anywhere. His heart hurts but he made her a promise to heal and move on. Steve’s fingers punch in numbers without even looking and then moves onto his next designation.

*****

_ Brooklyn 1925 _

Steve watches afar as his mother play with a much younger version of himself. He smiles as he watches his smaller self run around picking up flowers. It’s one of his happier memories he has with his mother. The weather is gorgeous and won’t affect his asthma. His heart aches, never really realizing how much he missed her.

*****

Sarah knows someone is watching her. This person’s presence does not strike fear in her.

“Won’t you come and join me?” She asks the stranger who hides behind the tree. “My son is partially deaf, so he won’t really hear our conversation.” Once the stranger is standing next to her, Sarah Rogers gets a good look and gasps in response. The man in front of her gives a strong resemblance to her late husband, but the eyes staring back at her are the same one she has and the same ones her son has inherited.

“Hi mom,” the man gives her a dimple smile that she herself has. “Mind if I join you?” Sarah just nods as the man sits next to her. 

“Are you my?”

He nods, “I am, from the future.”

Sarah takes a good look at the man her baby boy will soon become. Steve tells her how he was picked for a special program when he enlisted in the army. He tells her of the adventures he has, the friends he lost, and the woman he has lost.

“The future has not been kind to you my sunshine boy,” Sarah strokes his cheek.

Steve chuckles, “It’s been awhile since I heard that nickname.”

“I guess far too long,” Sarah looks at her son, sees the sadness in his eyes and the defeat on his shoulders. “You miss her a lot.”

“I don’t know what to do ma,” he had gone this far back to see his mother’s advice, “I miss Natasha so much.”

“She meant a lot to you, you loved her with all your heart.”

Steve nods, “More than I ever did with Peggy.”

“Let me tell you something my sunshine boy, in order to grow, you must let go of the past.” Sarah placed a gentle hand on top of Steve’s. “I know you are hesitating to return to your time. This Natasha, she herself told you that she may or may not return. But you won’t know unless you go. If you go back to another past, you will never grow. The only way to grow, is to go walk towards your future even if Natasha isn’t in it. Maybe she will no longer be with you physically, but she’ll remain in your heart and your memories. I know it was hard for me to accept your father’s death, but I knew if I had these wonderful memories of him, he would never truly be gone.”

Steve smiled at his mother, “You’re right ma, I have to move on. I promised her I would.”

“No son of mine should ever dare break a woman’s promise,” Sarah pinched Steve’s cheek causing the super soldier to laugh. “Go home Steve, go back to your time and walk towards your future. Even if you have to take baby steps to heal, life isn’t a race my sunshine boy.”

“Thanks ma,” he pulled his mother into a warm embrace, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sarah returned Steve’s hug, she pulled apart and patted his cheek, “I’m so proud of the man you’ve become.”

Steve gave her a small smile with tears in his eyes. He set his coordinates and disappeared. Sarah felt her eyes watering and wiped them immediately the moment she heard her baby boy calling her name.

“Momma, momma I made you this,” a younger and smaller version of Steve held out a necklace made out of flowers.

“Thank you my sunshine boy,” Sarah pulled Steve onto her lap.

“Who was that man you were talking to?”

“A dear friend of mine,” she brushed her son’s hair. She couldn’t believe that this small child of hers would soon become a hero, but Steve would always be her sunshine boy.

*****

_ New York 2023 _

Steve felt the familiarity of the platform the moment we came out of the portal. Bruce, Sam, and Bucky saw the sadness on Steve’s face. He gave it a chance that Natasha would come back but she didn’t.

“I’m sorry Steve,” Bucky placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“What are you gonna do now Cap?” Sam asked as he stood next to Steve.

“Maybe I’ll try that life Tony always talked about.” They watched as the super soldier walked towards a circular canvas bag that rested on the side of the house. Steve took the item out and headed back to Sam and Bucky. “The world might not need Steve Rogers anymore, but they will still need Captain America.” He held the newly refurbished shield over to Sam.

“I don’t understand,” Sam carefully took the vibranium shield.

“T’Challa brought it over and Shuri was the one that fixed it up.” Steve smiled at Sam, “I want you to take it Sam.”

“But why me? I mean couldn’t you just give it to Bucky?”

“Because I’m not ready yet Sam,” Bucky smiled. 

“But once he is, the world will be a whole lot better with two Captain America’s.” Steve smiled.

“So what are you gonna do? Become an MMA fighter,” Sam smiled and Steve laughed.

“I was always good at drawing, maybe I’ll go back to school.”

“Can you imagine having Captain America in your class,” laughed Bucky.

_ 5 Years later _

“Listen, we would’ve had a much easier and quicker if you gave me the shield.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “You had the shield last mission, it was my turn.”

“No, you had the shield in the beginning of the mission in Turkey and then I ended up using it at the end. So technically it was my turn.”

“Guys you’re going to have to quiet down before,” Steve winced as he heard the crying of a baby.

“It’s alright little one, you’re uncles are just being loud as usually,” Sam and Bucky slouched as a pair of piercing green eyes settled upon them. 

“Hey little guy,” Steve carefully took the baby in his arms. The small child was wearing a small replica of Steve’s stealth suit that Tony had created the moment Steve and Natasha announced they were having a boy. “Tried to warn your uncles but they didn’t listen.”

Natasha sat next to her husband on the couch, “That’s what happens when both of your uncles are Captain America.” 

“I tried to tell them not to talk shop, but you know how Sam and James get,” a pregnant Wanda sat on the armchair of Bucky’s seat. 

Steve smiled at the sight in front of him, he had a family and a quiet place in Brooklyn. He could remember the rough days he had to go through after he returned from his mission of returning the stones. 

*****

It took a week before he applied to a college in the city, NYU was the one he chose to go to. He decided to pursue his career in art. It wasn’t until a couple of months of getting used to the college life that a soft piano tune caught his attention and brought him to the theater. His eyes widened at the person on the stage. A ballerina gracefully moving among the stage. He knew those movements, the grace and agility he had seen on the battlefield and in sparring matches. His heart quickened as he walked down until he reached the stage itself. The moment the song stopped, the dancer bowed and green eyes looked at him. 

“Captain Rogers.”

Steve couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips, “Ma’am.”

Natasha had told him that she had returned a couple of days after he had returned the Soul Stone back. 

“How did you know I was going to be here?”

Natasha smiled, “I know you’re an artist Steve, it didn’t take me that long to figure out you’d want to go to college to pursue your career in it.”

After that, the two had started dating with Steve taking her to a diner that was still around even when he was a kid. Natasha was surprised that Steve wasn’t lying when the diner had the best milkshakes in the world, of course this led to her stealing some of Steve’s, which he didn’t mind. 

After 4 years of college and graduating, Steve and Natasha got married in a small private wedding ceremony at the Barton farm. Sam and Bucky ended up being Steve’s best man, of course Tony had to have the most memorable moment by reminding Natasha of her patriotic duty after the reception. Thankfully Pepper reeled in her husband and Morgan was curious to know what her father meant.

*****

“You’re thinking awfully out loud Rogers,” Natasha’s voice snapped Steve back to reality, “wanna share with the class.”

“Well Rogers, I was just thinking about how we got here, and how happy I am,” Steve placed a small kiss on his son’s head. 

Once Sam, Bucky and Wanda left, the house was quiet and Natasha had taken their son to bed. Steve went outside and onto the porch, he sat down on the swing and looked at the beautiful night sky. Natasha sat down next to Steve and laid her head on his shoulder.

“You remember what you said to me back when Sokovia was falling?” 

She nodded, “I said ‘where else am I gonna get a view like this’. What brought this up?”

“Just looking at the night sky did. When I was crashing the  _ Valkyrie _ all I saw the sky and the ocean as I headed towards my death. And when we were on a floating Sokovia city, again I saw the clouds getting ready to head towards my death. But I had you by my side and I wasn’t afraid to die.” Steve gave his wife a gentle kiss on the head. “Here we are now, looking towards the future and with you by my side.”

Natasha laughed gently, “You’re really are a sap and a dork Rogers.”

“Yeah, well I’m the sap and dork you married Rogers,” his blue eyes twinkled.

“And that is something I could never regret, Captain Rogers.”

“Ma’am,” their lips met in a soft, gentle and passionate kiss. 


End file.
